Coding is for closers

with apologies to anyone creative

In this scene, Blake (Beff Jezos) is confronting the employees of a tough Chicago software company, Shelley Levene (Gary Marcus), Ed Moss (Elezeer Yudkowsky) and George Aaronow (Mustafa Suleyman) while their unsympathetic supervisor John Williamson (Bayeslord) looks on.

Blake: Let me have your attention for a moment! So you're talking about what? You're talking about...(puts out his cigarette)...bitching about that bug you can’t fix, some son of a bitch dev that can’t code for shit, some vendor that promised you the world, some egirl you're trying to screw and so forth. Let's talk about something important. Are they all here?

Williamson: All but one.

Blake: Well, I'm going anyway. Let's talk about something important! (to Levene) Put that Copilot down!! Copilot’s for coders only. (Levene scoffs) Do you think I'm fucking with you? I am not fucking with you. I'm here from the future. I'm here from Meta Platforms. And I'm here on a mission of mercy. Your name's Levene?

Levene: Yeah.

Blake: You call yourself a programmer, you son of a bitch?

Moss: I don't have to listen to this shit.

Blake: You certainly don't pal. 'Cause the good news is -- you're fired. The bad news is you've got, all you got, just one week to regain your jobs, starting tonight. Starting with tonight’s sprint. Oh, have I got your attention now? Good. 'Cause we're adding a little something to this month’s contest. As you all know, first prize is a Tesla Cybertruck. Anyone want to see second prize? Second prize's an Oculus. Third prize is you're fired. You get the picture? You're laughing now? You got specs. Meta Platforms paid good money for product mommies. Get the specs to write the code! You can't write the code you're given, you can't write shit, you ARE shit, hit the bricks pal and beat it 'cause you are going out!!!

Levene: The specs are weak.

Blake: 'The specs are weak.' Fucking specs are weak? You're weak. I've been in this business fifteen years.

Moss: What's your name?

Blake: FUCK YOU, that's my name!! You know why, Mister? 'Cause you took the BART and dodged twenty homeless people to get here tonight, I took the hyperloop. That's my name!! (to Levene) And your name is "you're wanting." And you can't play in a man's game. You can't code. (at a near whisper) And you go home and tell your wife your troubles. (to everyone again) Because only one thing counts in this life! Push to production! You hear me, you fucking decels?

(Blake flips over a blackboard which has two sets of letters on it: ABC, and AIDA.)

Blake: A-B-C. A-always, B-be, C-coding. Always be coding! Always be coding!! A-I-D-A. Artificial, intelligence, dumb, ass. Artificial—this shit is not even real? Intelligence—do you have any? I know you don’t because you’re using copilot. You code or you hit the bricks! Dumb -- have you made used machine learning? Have you made your offering to LeCun?!! And ass. A-I-D-A; get out there!! You got the specs comin' in; you think they came in to get out of the rain? Product mommies slaved tirelessly on JIRA just for you! Sitting out there in their cute outfits just giving you gold! Are you gonna code it? Are you man enough to code it? (to Moss) What's the problem pal? You. Moss.

Moss: You're such a hero, you're so rich. Why you coming down here and waste your time on a bunch of bums?

(Blake sits and takes off his gold Neuralink)

Blake: You see this BCI? You see this BCI?

Moss: Yeah.

Blake: That watch cost more than your fusion reactor. I made 50 million followers last year. How much you make? You see, pal, that's who I am. And you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father? Fuck you -- go home and play with your kids!! (to everyone) You wanna work here? Close!! (to Aaronow) You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can't take this -- how can you take the abuse you get on a scrum?! You don't like it -- leave. I can go out there tonight with the materials you got, make myself three new features! Tonight! In two hours! Can you? Can you? Go and do likewise! A-I-D-A!! Get mad! You sons of bitches! Get mad!! You know what it takes to code?

(He pulls something out of his briefcase)
Blake: It takes brass bosons to code.

(He's holding two bosons in superposition, he decoheres them away after a pause)
Blake: Go and do likewise, gents. The code is out there, you pick it up, it's yours. You don't--I have no sympathy for you. You wanna go out on the sprint tonight and close, close, it's yours. If not you're going to be shining my shoes. Bunch of losers sitting around in a bar. (in a mocking weak voice) "Oh yeah, I used to be a programmer, it's a tough racket." (he takes out large stack of red index cards tied together with string from his briefcase) These are the new specs. These are the product mommy specs from Stephanie. And to you, they're gold. And you don't get them. Why? Because to give them to you is just throwing them away. (he hands the stack to Williamson) They're for coders.

I'd wish you good luck but you wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it. (to Moss as he puts on his watch again) And to answer your question, pal: why am I here? I came here because Zuck asked me to, they asked me for a favor. I said, the real favor, follow my advice and fire your fucking ass because a loser is a loser.

(He stares at Moss for a sec, and then picking up his briefcase, goes into inner office with Williamson)